The pictures were followed by an unchanging "offline" icon next to Greg's picture on Skype which persisted through the entire hour of our regular - well, sort of regular - morning call AND our regular - again, sort of - lunchtime call. More tears. Later on, I received some heart wrenching news from our FRG (Family Readiness Group) rep. which again, brought on tears. Don't worry, Greg's fine.
I've been a leaky faucet all day...
Unfortunately, you can't cure a heartache like you can a headache with an Advil but there are, I think, some ways to make it more bearable. Besides the obvious feel-good remedies-cry, drink wine, play with pooch, watch a happy movie-there is one other thing that I have found to work. THINK UP!
Thinking up is kind of like thinking positive and forward at the same time. The best way to describe it is if 'you can dream it you can do it'. Picture your happy ending, whatever it is that your heart is longing for. For me, it's the moment Greg gets off the plane and I can jump into his arms again. I make that image front and center in my mind and I never allow myself to doubt it for a second. That is the only possible future. There is no other option.
If you tell yourself that enough times, you actually begin to fiercely believe it and, even through my bouts of sadness, I never loose sight of that picture. And although I cry, I do so because I miss him and because I wish I could shield him from the awful experiences he may face, not because I fear for him not coming home. He will come home and believing that makes this whole deployment easier to bear and allows me to keep moving forward each day because I know we will meet at the end.
So today's fix-it lesson: Keep thinking up and don't ever lose hope.